Grey

Its a grey kind of day. The budding trees are standing against a backdrop of nothingness and only the bursting pink blossom breaks their monotony.
It feels kind of grey in my head too. Revision is getting me down, as are empty days (that aren't empty because I have little time other than to revise and procrastinate) and I feel in a thoughtless rut. 
I want to treat myself but I've spent all my money on birthday presents, interrail accommodation and clubbing, purchases that seem to define my age. 
Since we last spoke, little has happened. 
I handed in my history coursework which I was, in actual fact, very proud of. Hours of tears and stresses had gone into that 4000 word essay which, in mid-November as I panicked to my teacher, I never thought I would complete. 
We broke up for Easter which was anti-climatic as it just meant 2 weeks of revision and stunned me back into that "fuck its nearly all over" mentality that consumes. 
I returned to my favourite place, for a week that caused more stress than usual. It was all pretty detached, I spent much of it at my makeshift desk revising or on the beach reading, but not really feeling 'there'. It was beautiful however and did something to cleanse my soul. I have included a selection of pics, that probably replicate the ones from last year, and the year before.












This did feel an idyllic place to write about Socialist realism, something to make revision a little more bearable.



And above is where I have been spending my days, probably in pyjamas, surrounded by cold, un-touched cups of tea.

Today is Thursday. The penultimate day of my easter hols. I feel stressed and uptight, I don't want to revise but there is little else to do to pass the time. This is a common side affect of revision for me-I forget what I do for enjoyment. I will pass these next two days at my desk, taking quick walks in the park, crying, watching movies and in a bubble of fuzziness.
Monday will roll around and the days will melt away with an unfathomable speed.

***

If anyone has any tips on how to revise Shakespeare please tell me. I'm 110% struggling with Othello but am avoiding it because avoidance provides short term comfort.


p.s should probably mention this 'snap' election (that was promised would take place n 2020?!) to which I exclaimed "what the fuck" as I walked to the library. I can't vote because I don't turn 18 until 9th July (1 month and 1 day) which really pisses me off but use your votes wisely people.

7 comments

  1. I really feel for you that your little escape was consumed by the horror of revision - atleast you got a little bit of downtime and being in a different environment! I also really relate to the no money thing. Asos packages would really brighten up my revision but no, everyone seems to have birthdays in April!
    Also revising Shakespeare - I'm doing Hamlet so I can't help much with the text itself but I would say (I know this is annoying) just powering through and re-reading bits. I find that the more I read Shakespeare, the more I pick up, if that makes sense. Also if you read articles and things sometimes it helps me notice things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise because of the language or not fully grasping an exchange between characters (the British Library is so good - just type in like othello british library articles and loadsssss of stuff will come up). Hope the race to exams goes okay for you!

    Imo xxx
    www.imogencdj.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Yess!! Asos is calling me but I c-a-n-n-o-t. Thank you, that's super helpful, definitely will check out British Library (I use 'no fear shakespear' religiously to try and make sense of it all!!)
      thank you you too!x

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    2. Same omg !! I end up buying the cheapest possible stuff from Asos + free delivery (even if I don't really need/like what I've bought) just to get that satisfaction of having bought something!!! (I sound like a nutty Asos addict) xxx

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  2. i was going to mention 'no fear shakespeare'! it has saved me this past year. lovely photos.
    -sundaysaresunny.com x

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  3. Hope you had a good easter for the most part! Jealous of you being able to revise on the beach, even if you couldn't take in all of your surroundings, it makes a difference from being stuck in your room. Laughing bc my desk looks exactly the same as yours, I legit have no space to do anything!! And my coffee cups are starting to smell, I should probs take them downstairs ahah x x

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    1. hahaha omg mine haven't got to that level yet, hope revision is going okayyy xx

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Katie